Hi, you wanna know about us?By: Nikos Mixas
Art by: Joshua M. Wilkinson
It’s the September edition of THE SLUDGELORD “666 PACK REVIEW”! This is the time of year that some of you are rearranging your band shirt collection by swapping out sleeveless shirts with hoodies and raglans. In addition, tours are cropping up all over the place and if you’re in a band and strive to score gigs, record albums, and hopefully tour one day, THE SLUDGELORDcan help you hone those chops by reviewing your demo! If you’re new to this, each and every month we handpick 6review submissions and critique them by only using 6 words, then we rate them on a scale from 1to 666! Check out our fall flavored rating scale below:
1– I bet your band got lost in a corn maze and couldn’t figure how to get out?
2– Gourds might be cool to look at, but that’s about it. Your band is a gourd.
3– This is average, just like anything from Soufly these days.
4 – I liken this to the excitement you get knowing that October, even more so, Halloween is right around the corner!
5– You know how pumpkin spice lattes are lame? Well, pumpkin spice beers kick ass and so does your band.
666– THE SLUDGELORD awards you with the highest compliment it can give…. a 666rating!!!
Caveat: Even though the 666 PACK REVIEW is meant to offer humorous critique, there are no safe spaces here and your gripes will only make you sound like a bellyacher. THE SLUDGELORD is a picky listener…and doesn’t care what you think of his opinions….
1). Ritual Earth, “Demo” (Philadelphia, U.S.A.) Rating: 666!
2). Hellavator, “Ruin” (Norway) Rating: 4
“There’s a Candlemass element to it.”
3). Blank, “S/T” (Köln, Germany) Rating: 4
“If Celeste played hardcore…in Germany.”
4). Vile Entity, “Vile Entity” (Tuscany, Italy) Rating: 2
“There’s only one Bell Witch, OK???”
5). Udreka, “Gniew, trud i nocna zmora” (Gdynia, Poland) Rating: 5
“Great stuff, but it needs vocals.”
6). Victus, “Sacrifice” (Portsmouth, U.K.) Rating: 3
“Orange Goblinish, but the vocals stink.”
Band info: Ritual Earth|| Hellavator|| Blank|| Udreka|| Victus
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